Category: Personality Develpoment

• What should I do after a failure? What’s next?

  The real truth is that no matter how optimistic or cheerful we are, there are moments in our life that will make us question our own existence, our purpose and our identity. It usually happens when you face a major setback or failure, which makes you doubt your own actions and ideas.

  Over the past few months, with a series of setbacks, I realized that we truly have two practical options. Either we can give up and settle for something that doesn’t speak to us, or we can let the failure sink in, learn from it and then get up to try again or re-design our plan. Either way, we have to adjust our own perspective, which is what will be reflected in our behavior.

  A fundamental truth about such a situation is that,  sometimes, setbacks (especially the ones we don’t have much control over) isn’t really about us. Yes, it has an impact on us, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we lack in a particular skill or there is something wrong with us. It is just that the world is a vast place with millions of people, and at any given moment most of us are aiming and fighting for similar things, so having a setback doesn’t mean you should feel sad or give up. For example, if you are competing with thousands of other students for a scholarship and you don’t get the scholarship, it doesn’t mean that your academic qualification is suddenly not up to the mark, or that you are not good enough. It just means that the scholarship board for their own reasons and thought process made their decision, not because one student is better than the other, but because that one student might be what they are looking for. This is important to understand because that one person might be what ”they are looking for”, had it been a different type of scholarship, or a different group of people, they would be looking for another type of person.

  In the above section, I attributed the fact that the world has millions of people competing for similar opportunities as a reason for a setback, but ironically, this is the same reason that can motivate you to fight for what you want after a setback. Let’s look at this line of thought from a different and a more hopeful perspective, ”the world is vast, with millions of people (more chance to meet like-minded people or more chances to learn from people) and there are so many opportunities, that we can’t possibly be tied down to the grief of one failure.

  Hence, what’s next after a failure? Well, anything you want! You can choose anything in the world that speaks to you and makes sense to you. “Failure isn’t the end of the world, because the world is still here for you to explore and choose for yourself, what you want to do next.”

  March 25, 2019

  failure, how to move on, how to overcome depression, how to overcome failure, how to overcome setback, how to start again, overcoming failure, success

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• Is happiness within you?

  Happiness is often misunderstood as a feeling we get only after achieving something or when something positive happens in our life. In reality, its a feeling that we can experience at this very moment. Lots of people wish for happiness in life without realizing that they are already happy and sometimes they think that happiness can only be found in the external world.

  Here are a few ways to discover your inner happiness

  Focus on what’s good

  We have so many things going on in our life. It is natural to like some elements in your life and dislike some elements. However, in order to realize your own happiness, focus on whats good in your life. Most things in your life have some positive aspect to it. You either overlook those aspects or discount those positive aspects and focus on whats bad.

  Everything has its own flaws and imperfections. We often make the mistake of thinking that if these flaws or imperfections weren’t there then that would make us happier.

  You can feel your happiness right now if you want. Just close your eyes and focus on everything in your life that you like. Whatever you labelled as bad in your life, think about ways in which it is actually good. You’ll see an instant change in your mood.

  Express your thoughts

  It’s a suffocating feeling to have something to say to someone but holding it back for different reasons. The feeling of “I should have said something” always weighs us down. So, express what is on your mind more often. If its a situation where you can’t, then at least express those thoughts to yourself, it can provide some relief. Avoid ignoring your own thoughts and feelings.

  Deal with regrets and guilt

  Its impossible to live a perfect life with no mistakes of any sort. Naturally, all of us have regrets and guilt about something in our lives. But what leads to unhappiness is not the regret or guilt, rather the fact that we never come to proper terms with them. Understanding about certain mistakes, or setbacks in your life is essential to happiness. If you never understand them, then you will see yourself as the reason for those mistakes. But the truth is, there is always a reason for why those mistakes happened by you in the first place. Identifying it and understanding it will help you move on. You should be able to explain to yourself in a convincing manner why the mistakes of your life happened.

  Learn to say no

  Even though It may come across as a surprise, most of us aren’t actually aware of what we like and what we dislike. Of course, there are a few people who are aware of their likes and dislikes. But those who are not, end up doing things that they don’t like. Give importance to your own happiness and learn to say no to things that you know will not make you happy. Before you can do that, you need to take time to understand what kind of an individual you are, and what are your preferences and viewpoints in life.

  Cognitive Distortions

  Cognitive distortions are, simply put, errors in thinking. Recognizing these distortions will help you understand how to deal with them and avoid them.

  The following are the 10 most common cognitive distortions (as laid out by Dr.David Burns in his book “Feeling good”) that lead to a bad mood and unhappiness. The compilation is a courtesy of https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk .

  All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.

  Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

  Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positive aspects of a situation.

  Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.

  Jumping to conclusions: You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. These include mind-reading (assuming that people are reacting negatively to you) and fortune-telling (predicting that things will turn out badly).

  Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

  Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”

  “Should”statements: You criticize yourself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’t,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have to’s.”

  Labelling: Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, or “I’m a loser.”

  Blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.

  Hope this helped you understand that happiness, is actually within you and you can access it anytime you want.

   

  References

  https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/10-cognitive-distortions/

  https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/cognitive-distortions-cbt.htm

   

   

  August 3, 2018

  happiness, happy, life, peace, positive

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• How to stop being insecure about your appearance?

  “My nose is not right or my thighs are too huge or my face is too chubby”, we have said these words to ourselves at least once in our life, wishing to ‘perfect’ our appearance.

  As science has developed, people have an option to undergo various procedures to straighten out the perceived ‘imperfections’, even if it is dangerous. However, since it is not an affordable or a viable option for many of us, we often live our lives loathing certain parts of ourselves, leading to critical issues like low self-esteem, high insecurity and also mental health problems like depression or eating disorders.

  What is self-love?

  For the last few years, we have seen celebrities endorsing ‘self-love’ breaking their mask of ‘perfection’ and showing their insecurities, and how they learned to love themselves. This marked the beginning of an era which challenged the strict dogmas of ‘perfection’.

  Self-love is simple and easy to apply, once you start understanding and accepting yourself. You have to love yourself with all your so-called ‘imperfections’ and ignore those who are trying to putting you down on the basis of your appearance.

  The cost we pay for our insecurities comes at a high price. Rather than letting them eat away at your happiness, there is a far easier and penniless solution.

  How to love yourself?

  While the principle may seem very easy, it can be slightly challenging to look at yourself and love yourself to a point that you wouldn’t want to change anything about yourself. It will also be difficult to be consistently confident about your self even in the face of criticism. But, these things can be tackled over a period of time and if you follow these steps, it can help you understand some basic tips on truly loving yourself.

  Here are some techniques to stop being insecure

  • The first step is to acknowledge that you are unique. Aspects of yourself that makes you stand out, should be embraced. If it doesn’t with the society’s standards of beauty, then focus on that aspect and love that aspect the most, because of its uniqueness.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others. Each one of us is different, in looks, talents, and personalities, thus we’re bound to have differences. The sooner we learn to accept them, the easier it will be for us to love ourselves.
  • Take a break from social media. Before envying someone, remember that we only post things on social media that we are sure to get appreciated for, it doesn’t mean that people’s lives are actually that perfect. So, instead of being obsessed with social media, taking a break from it can have positive effects on your self-esteem.
  • Be optimistic and think positively. Positive thoughts about yourself can not only make you happy but also keep you healthy.
  • Find satisfaction within yourself. Learn to find happiness with what and who you are. Set goals to take care of your body and prioritize yourself. If you want to work on yourself, then do that with a positive motivation instead of being critical of yourself.

  Being insecure due to our appearance is highly common due to so many different standards of beauty in this world, but certain basic tips and thoughts can help you deal with that insecurity in a healthy manner.

  July 24, 2018

  body shaming, confidence, insecurities, life, men, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love, women

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• Be your own knight in shining armour

  A few months back, as I heard my aunt read the Sleeping Beauty to my young cousin, a realization dawned on me. While my cousin was fascinated by the ending, I was just short of being mortified. I soon realised that this knight in shining armour kept showing up, (in different avatars and forms, sure) to help the distressed protagonist. The subtext seemed to be that life cannot improve without this knight.

  Most of us also, go around in life looking for this knight in shining armour. We wait for this person– be it a lover, a friend, a manager, whoever it may be, to come and save us from our lives. We conclude that we have exhausted all possible options and it is only when this person arrives now, that everything will fix itself magically; because magic exists, and because the good will always be victorious in the end, and that karma does come into play somewhere. One can’t even blame people for this notion and way of thinking – after all, movies and fictions are built on this notion.

  People just get so comfortable in their own inertia that they require someone else to come to jolt them back to life. They fear the risk and the vulnerability. They wish to put no efforts and yet emerge victoriously. They wish to believe that they can conquer the world, without any hard work (because apparently, that’s how a genius lives). They wait for a sign, to tell them that it will be alright and that it will all figure itself out. These beliefs are all not unjustified. We all need something to believe in, and the power of belief is immense. But, this belief needs its other companions for it to succeed.

  The universe will just not help you if you can’t help yourself. If you were doing everything you could do, you would be where you want to be. There is always a way out, a possible solution; you just haven’t found it yet. There is no one, literally no one who can help you except for you, yourself. You are your own Super(wo)man;  you are your own knight in shining armour. The initiative, diligent and hard work, a positive outlook and a sensible mind are all important elements in turning a belief into reality.

  But, why am I the only one who needs to do so much, you ask? Everyone struggles and everyone fights. Not all battles are visible to the others and the greatest battles are often fought inside.

  The world, as much as it seems like, is not the Hunger Games Stadium. There is not just one victor. Everyone has their own battles and everyone has their own Everest to conquer. All we can do is diligently fight our own battles and help the others when we can.

  So, march ahead Brave warrior. The world awaits you.

   

  July 19, 2018

  battles, fighting, fights, knight, life, sleeping beauty, strength, strong, struggles, warrior, women, working hard

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• Say Yes, I Am.

  It is a general predicament of our times that we are never satisfied. There is a constant need to want better, be better and do better. Now, there is nothing wrong with such a drive. After all, ambition is the fuel of Life. However, in our ambitious pursuits, somewhere, we refuse to accept ourselves.

  We see a certain movie star, a role model or even a friend we admire and then try to imitate them. This is all well, but in the process, we lose ourselves. We refuse to stop for a second and ask if that really is who we are. For instance, if I want to be a great fiction writer like J K Rowling, I may try to replicate her way of writing, her comic sense or the general way in which she conducts herself. This isn’t a sound strategy, because, even if I do succeed in this way, it wouldn’t resonate who I am.

  You cannot be happy in life until you are yourself. This is a not a new concept. We have a lot of people, in movies and in real life, who achieve greatness but express how they just don’t recognise themselves anymore. It’s no good if you have to give yourself up completely to achieve something.

  Each one of us is unique in our own ways. We have our own special way of doing things and dealing with things. Why give that up? I agree it’s intimidating. The world is designed in a way that society expects everyone to be the same. But, this same society also celebrates those who can think out of the box. That’s the thing about society. It’s a bunch of people, who try to align to a set pattern that has been set by no one. It’s a strange concept, really. This idea of trying to ‘fit in’ needs to go away. We need to stop shrouding our greatness and ourselves just because we think ‘the society’ expects something else.

  Is it going to be easy? Well, of course not. You will first realise that you just don’t know yourself at all. Take the time to get to know yourself. Talk to yourself, probably date yourself. You will realise so much more about yourself. Accept it all – both the positives and the negatives, both the strengths and the weaknesses.

  By no means is this a suggestion that you shouldn’t try to improve yourself. If you believe that something about you needs to be changed, then you can do so. Human nature is not static, it’s dynamic and depends on our own choice. But, you need to know yourself in order to improve on it. Just remember that you need to be clear on your motivations for it.

  If you are familiar with the Alcoholics Anonymous Programme, the first and the most important step is the acceptance of the fact that you are an alcoholic. I think that is true for everything in life. You first need to accept yourself for who you are. Only then, you can work to improve yourself. You need to know yourself to be a better self.

  So, go ahead. Introspect, meditate and live life more mindfully. Say “Yes, I am, who I am and I will work every day towards becoming a better version of myself.”

  July 15, 2018

  confidence, jk rowling, life, originality, personality, personality development, self-confidence, self-esteem, unique, yourself

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• 5 habits of successful people that you can adopt!

  While there is no single formula for success, there are certain habits that can be found across a majority of the successful people. These habits are simple and easy to incorporate into your own routine, and they will not only help you get one step closer to your own success but also to happiness and peace of mind.

  1- Goal-directed tasks

  Successful people make it a point to focus on goal-directed activities. They minimize distractions in their life and even set aside a separate time for thinking!

  Initially, they put in the time to discover what their long term and short terms goals are, and then they focus on the tasks that help them get closer to their goals. Patience and perseverance are the core factors that underlie this behavior.

  Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller said, “To this day, I keep a schedule that is almost minute by minute.”

  So, what should you do? How do you begin?

  First of all, you have to be clear about your goals and then identify the day-to-day tasks that will help you achieve those goals. Once you identify these factors, you have to consistently work every single day on these tasks. Use your calendar instead of a ‘to-do list’ and plan out your day, then focus on getting things done for that day.

  2- Keep reading

  No matter how busy they are, many successful people will always take out time to read. They are constantly trying to gain more knowledge and learn as much as they can because they understand that the process of learning is everlasting. They mostly read biographies, educational books, inspirational books and self-help books.

  Someone once asked Warren Buffett about keys to success, he pointed to a stack of books and said, “Read 500 pages like this every day. That’s how knowledge works. It builds up, like compound interest. All of you can do it, but I guarantee not many of you will do it.”

  Bill Gates has a habit of reading 1 book per week, Mark Cuban reads for 3 hours every day and Warren Buffett devotes 80% of his day to reading.

  So, take out at least 15 minutes from your schedule to read every day. Try to finish reading one book in a given period of time and then immediately move onto your next book.

  3- Stay fit

  You need to be physically and mentally healthy to be productive. It is a simple truth, but due to our own busy schedules and hectic lifestyles, we forget to take care of ourselves. Successful people understand this simple truth and make efforts to stay fit. They eat a healthy diet, and workout every day and try to keep their mind and body as healthy as they can.

  For example, Barrack Obama manages to workout 6 days a week for 45 minutes. John Lee Dumas goes for a 35-minute walk while listening to podcasts, every day.

  So it’s very simple, you have to take out some time to maintain your health. You should never skip your breakfast, consider it as a meal that sets the tone for the rest of your day. If you don’t want to go to the gym, then you can take up a sport or a hobby to get your heart pumping. As long as you keep yourself healthy, your mind and body will help you become more productive.

  4- Healthy Outlet

  With so much work and chaos around them, successful people have a constant outlet for their emotions and energy. They don’t wait for all the emotion to build up and then vent it out. They have a healthy outlet incorporated into their routine to remain calm, centered and ready to deal with the world.

  For example, Oprah Winfrey meditates 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening every day. This helps her remain calm and focused in her life.

  You can spend time with your family, visit new places every weekend, or focus on a hobby that really helps you channel your energy. These activities will not only help you feel relaxed but will also help you in concentrating better.

   5- Have inspiring friends

  Successful people are highly selective about their friends because they understand the powerful influence of friends. They try to minimize having connections with people who bring negativity in their life. When you want to achieve huge heights in life, you simply can’t have any place for negativity. Instead, they focus on socializing with people who inspire them in some way. They are most drawn to people who help them learn something new every time they meet. 

  Warren Buffett once said,”It’s important to associate with people that are better than yourself”.

  Now, if you are wondering where you can find inspiring people? Then, it is actually easier than you think. You can go on social media platforms and find people with similar interests, or you can attend workshops, seminars, and conferences to meet like-minded people. Go there alone and do not be afraid to strike a conversation with someone, it can turn out to be really beneficial for you.

  So, go ahead and incorporate these simple habits into your routine to make every day productive!

   

  References:

  https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/28/9-habits-of-highly-successful-people.html

  https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/299699#1

   

  July 6, 2018

  Career, habits, inspiring, life, success, successful, successful people

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• How to build true confidence

  Building confidence is a life-long process, identifying certain factors can help you understand what you need to work on, and how to move forward in the right direction.

  Before we start, you need to adopt a viewpoint of looking at confidence as not just a trait, but as an emotion, a thought, and a state of mind. You become confident when your whole mind and body agrees with it.

  Now, let’s look at those essential factors that will help you build confidence.

  1- Fake it till you make it

  “Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.” – Brian Tracy

  This is the first step to start the process of building confidence. You can’t always be prepared for everything and you can’t always have 100% confidence in everything, sometimes you just have to fake it until it actually becomes real.

  For example, if you are terrified of hosting a show or giving a speech because you are not confident that you can speak in front of so many people. Then, you just have to fake the confidence for some time. You keep doing it until you are actually on that stage, and this experience of just going to the stage will help you gain real confidence.

  2- Understand your core values

  Whether you are aware of it or not, your actions will always be influenced by your values and beliefs. Hence, understanding them will help you understand what you are willing to do and what you aren’t. This helps you avoid unnecessary pressure that you put on yourself to do something that you don’t even want to do, and focus all your energy on working on something that you actually believe in. If you don’t know who you really are at heart, then how can you truly build your confidence?

  3- Accept yourself

  No one can be good at everything in this world and be “perfect”. You have to accept who you are, sure you can improve certain qualities that you don’t like, and keep modifying yourself. But, at the end of the day, you have to accept who you are, your goals and even your mistakes. It’s important because if you don’t truly accept yourself, you would never have confidence that someone else will accept you.

   4- Perfecting your skills

  So far, we have seen how to manage your thought processes when it comes to confidence. But, an equally important aspect is to improve on your skills every single day.

  If you keep perfecting your skills that you would have to use every day or something that you would have to use in your career or your life. It would help you gain true confidence since this aspect is grounded in reality. This means that in order to start building a strong foundation to be confident, you need to put in a lot of hard work and efforts.

  5- Don’t stop

  While you are building confidence, you can’t stop after one task or one successful event. You need to keep going and push yourself more every time, it is very easy to get stuck in the safe zone, but that won’t help you grow.

  So, keep trying out new things and put yourself out there as much as you can. The tasks or goals can be very simple and easy, but the important thing is to not stop this process.

  6- Body language

  In times of need, assume a powerful body language! This will instantly make you feel confident and lift up your mood. Our body language has an effect on how we feel and how we think. Simply walking tall with your head held high and taking wide steps will make you feel confident. Always keep your back straight, your eyes forward and avoid fidgeting or hiding your hands. These are some of the ways you will feel confident in any situation.

  Lastly, you need to remember, building confidence is a lifelong process. These points can help you understand what to focus on and how to move forward, but it requires a lot of hard work and patience from your side. It can become difficult or frustrating, but do not give up because achieving this is truly freeing and exhilarating.

  Some books that can help you out:

  The Little Book of Confidence by Susan Jeffers

  The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

  Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

  June 25, 2018

  body language, confidence, self-confidence, self-esteem, success

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• Why you shouldn’t be afraid of failure

  “To achieve great success, you need to be ready to face failure along the way.”

  How many times have we let an opportunity go because we are afraid of failing or making a mistake?

  Stumbling down and falling is a part of life, one doesn’t need to be afraid nor be embarrassed about it. If we start truly embracing and owning our failures, we will only grow and move towards the right path.

  The reality is that there will be a little bit of fear with every big step you take, and that small amount of fear is necessary to push you towards your goal, but the trick is to not let the fear grow so much that it actually prevents you from achieving your goals. This uncontrollable fear will only lead to regrets, missed opportunities and more trouble later on.

  “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”  – Jack Canfield

  Life is all about learning, evolving, and growing, and no matter how philosophical that sounds, it is that simple. If you understand that failure is inevitable in the process of learning and growing, the fear will soon start disappearing, simply because there will be no place for it anymore. Your enthusiasm, curiosity, and zest for life will soon take over.

  In many ways, failure is the best teacher you can ever have. It will push you to think outside the box, work harder and try different approaches. It will help you learn so much about yourself, and make you think in-depth about your choices and decisions. All these things are essential for success and true contentment in life.

  The simple thing you should tell yourself every day is that failure is inevitable on the path to success. If you are not failing and trying again, that means you are not moving forward.

  So, now the question is how do we overcome this fear? How do we actually start embracing our failures?

  1. Understanding your strengths and weakness

  The first and the most important thing that you have to do is, take time to understand your strengths and weaknesses. You can do this through taking time to reflect on your decisions at the end of the day, or simply making a pros and cons list!

  This will help you to play to your strengths and enhance them, while at the same time being aware of your weak points and improving on them. This simple activity will help you be as prepared as you can when you perform a task, so every mistake or failure will just automatically become an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself.

  2. Changing your perspective

  “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

  Simply looking at the world through a different lens will immediately change the way you think and feel. If you think that failing in many things, makes YOU a failure, then you need to shift that perspective to understand that it’s not the same thing.

  How will you do that?

  Well, you need to start with changing your perspective about small events in your life, such as appreciating small things in your life and trying to look at problematic situations in a more optimistic way, or learning how to be calm when you are faced with minor stressors. Then you can move onto bigger events, such as looking at failure from a different angle.

  Changing your perspective about a failure by looking at it as an opportunity to learn and grow, will help you get rid of that fear.

  3. Managing your emotions

  When you experience failure, you don’t need to suppress it or deny its existence. It is not only unhealthy, it will come back at some point in your life. When you had a bad day at work or a fight with your friend, you need to let out your emotions in a healthy way. You can simply cry, write, exercise or talk to a friend.

  Once your emotions are settled, you can focus on dealing with the problem in an objective way.

  4. Don’t regret your decisions

  “Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”-Henry Ford

  There are some things you can’t change, you can only wish that you can go back in time and change it. But, you don’t need to be stuck in this thought process.

  The practice of not regretting your decisions comes with having confidence that any decisions you have taken in life, you took it for a reason, even if that reason doesn’t make sense at this point of time. Regretting your decisions will lead you to a path of self-pity, which will only cloud your judgment more than ever and make you doubt your own abilities.

  5. You have the power

  If you want to be stuck in a certain phase of life, then you can try to play it safe. But, if you want to move forward in life and achieve your goals, then you need to look at the process of failure as inevitable, even rewarding at times.

  You also need to remember that you have the power to overcome these situations, no matter how difficult or impossible it seems.

  You always need to keep in mind that you have the power to change, learn and move forward.

   

  Hope this helps you understand a bit about why you shouldn’t be afraid of failure and how to overcome this fear.

  Some additional resources that can help you:

  The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph– by Ryan Holiday

  The Value of Failure - by Shane Lester

  Adapt: Why Success Always Starts with Failure - By Tim Harford

  How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life - By Scott Adams

  June 23, 2018

  failure, fear, overcoming fear, success, winning

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