Tag: family

• How to maintain a long-distance relationship

  “Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.” – Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

  Sustenance of a relationship demands more than the mere presence of love. I am sure those of you in a deep-seated relationship know what I mean by this. Patience, acceptance, faith, control over expectations, trust are just to name a few. True love, when mingled by all these compliments, helps sustain a relationship the ravages of time.

  What about relationships where the partners are physically separated from each other by several miles lying between them? Well, that magnifies the efforts manifold, that too from both the sides. The rope of such relationships has to be held firmly and tactfully at both the ends, lest it is dropped unintentionally.

  Maintaining a relationship separated by distances a tedious and say, tough task, but not an impossibility. And in case you are on a hunt on ‘how to maintain a long-distance relationship’, kudos, you have landed in the right place!

  A note on the psyche

  I know you are missing your partner, longing to be with them, yearning to jump the distances and alighting in his/her arms! Love does absurd things to us, and this is only one of them.

  It is known that you are terribly missing him/her. And another known truth is that your partner is missing you equally bad. Both of you are stuck in the same situation, i.e. yearning to be with each other. This would give birth to frustration. You’ll miss them, but couldn’t be with them would make you hapless and frustrated.

  If this is your condition, your beloved partner too must be in a similar condition. Missing one another and being unable to be with each other would frustrate you both, naturally. And eventually, though unintentionally, that frustration caused by being unable to be with one another, would end up being vented on each other. Latent seeds of discord sow themselves with the roots of your relationship. These, with the passage of time, germinate into shoots of fights and at times unfortunate break-ups between previously well-going partners.

  WHAT TO DO?

  A plethora of articles and people talk about ‘what NOT to do’ in long-distance relationships. That followed ceremoniously, the looming question staggers behind- ‘What to actually do?’

  So, before ranting about the ‘Not’s’, I will talk about the necessary ‘To Dos’.

  • A very obvious and baseline suggestion- stay in regular touch with your partner. The modern era that we live in provides no dearth of means to connect with those who live miles away from us. No matter how busy you both might get, drop a bunch of texts asking, “How was your day?”

  This seemingly invalid question carries hidden sparkles of magic within it that would instantaneously light up your partner, even if he/she had a rough day. These simple and small gestures of love are what constitute the oceans of love.

  • ‘A phone call a day keeps quarrels at bay!’

  Hope it’s not much of a gigantic task, to make at least one phone call to your partner once a day. Perhaps, they didn’t call you yet, and grudgingly you are waiting for them to call you. Oh dear, don’t make it much of a deal. Pick up the phone and dial their number, which perhaps rests on your fingertips itself. Imagine the happiness you’d bestow upon them (and yourself too, of course) by delighting them with your number popping up on their phone screen after a much longer and hassled day!

  • Uphold your trust in your partner. Have enough trust in them, so that you do not lead yourself to believe untrue possibilities of your partner has fallen in love with someone else. Trust them to trust you. Trust them with the fact that, no matter how far life leads them, they will always gravitate back to you.

  Remember, ‘Trust is the bedrock of all relationships’. Deeper the trust, stronger the relationship!

  • Putting forth a slightly disheartening contrast of point 1 and 2. Due to some unforeseeable and at times, uncontrollable circumstances, a daily conversation (be it text, or calls) might not be possible. And when that occurs, do neither feel dejected nor let your mind concoct any fallacies.

  Let not your patience wear out, nor your trust dwindle. You might have to go days without hearing a word from your partner. That doesn’t mean ‘Things have changed between us’, ‘Our love is diminishing day-by-day’ or ‘He/she doesn’t love me same’.

  • Above all, ‘Have faith in your partner, your love and the forces of Universe’.

  It is truly said that “Faith can move mountains”. Greater the faith, stronger the chances of your love braving the distances between you both. A healthy relationship is one wherein, you can spend time apart, but can’t wait to be back with each other!

  WHAT NOT TO DO?

  Coming back to the much-fretted question- ‘What NOT to do when in a long-distance relationship?’

  Sometimes, seemingly small and trivial things or words render great damage. And this situation is more prone to arise amidst lovers separated by long distances. a love relationship is a highly malleable bond. Given that, long-distance relationships obviously are far more delicate. A small conflict, or maybe even a misunderstanding could take monstrous forms and may at times end up in breaking up.

  Here are a few things to avoid, to prevent such wrecking of your ‘relationships’!

  • First and foremost, do Not let the frustration (caused by missing one another) land upon the blameless head of your partner. Know that they are missing you as much you are missing them. Venting out your unguarded frustration on each other would only aggravate the tension between you both.
  • Somewhat similar to the previous point, here’s a note on managing your anger. Consider a situation. Your partner does something silly. Say, forgot to call and congratulate you on the 3^rd anniversary of your first coffee date. You are, for sure, hell mad at them for this carelessness on their part, and in no mood to listen to any sensible excuses.

  Now, put a check dam around the spontaneous flow of your anger.  Some amount of anger is absolutely justifiable (and yes, to an extent necessary too). But anger exceeding limits of rationality would bring irreparable casualties in your already perilous relationship.

  • Be vigilant and do not let misunderstandings sneak in.

  Misunderstandings often become the cause for fragmentation of otherwise smooth sailing relationships. Despite the unforgivable careless habits of your partner and despite the several days spent without talking; do not give way to misunderstandings to slip in from any of the doors. Let not stupid assumptions or fearful suspicions overpower the faith in your love and your partner.

  • I am a firm believer of the fact that, ‘Everything happens for the good.’ The same theory can be applied in long-distance relationships as well.

  Be a steadfast optimist, and go on to believe that, the distance put up between you and your partner is a bend in your sojourn, after which the path will be much beautiful. Or take it the way- The distance between you both is just another parameter by the universal forces to measure the strength of your love!

  Love is such intense and divine an emotion that neither geographical distances nor years spent apart could diminish it. True love walks through the fire of distances and emerges as a radiant diamond.

  Summing it all in six simple words- “Distance makes the hearts grow fonder!”

  October 7, 2018

  boyfriend, cheating, couple, difficult, distance relationships, distant relations, faith, family, far distance relationship, fiance, girlfriend, happy, hope, husband, life, long distance, optimism, problems, Relationship, separated, trust, wife

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• Inspiration decoded

  

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

   

   

   

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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• How do I inspire myself?

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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