Tag: fights

• Compromise- is it really important?

  It is a universally acknowledged truth that a human being, who is in a relationship will have to make compromises in every sphere of their life. This brings up the question of compromise- is it really important?

  Any person who is married or about to get married, or who is in a relationship for that matter, will definitely keep getting pieces of advice from well-meaning people about how they will both have to make compromises in their life to be happy. This is actually the truth of life, that you will probably have to make some compromises in all sectors of life to be successful, purely because life does not always throw ideal situations to us and we have to make the best of what we have. Even in relationships, this cardinal truth remains constant.

  Any person who has lived in hostels will attest to the fact that there may be differences in the smallest of matters. One may not like too many visitors, the other may not like that the house is always super organized, and another person may get annoyed with their partner’s habitual forgetfulness. What I am trying to say is, love is easy. It is the living together part of things that lead to complications. This is because the whole lifestyle, the way of thinking, habits and preferences are different. So, both the partners have to be flexible and find a middle ground. Perhaps, try living in with each other first.

  However, it also is important to draw a line on compromises. For instance, if you’re partner finds your passion for dancing, childish and shuts you down. Or say, they forbid you from meeting some of your friends because they are jealous/insecure. Do you still make compromises in such cases? Well, it depends. I think in such situations, you need to ask yourself if your partner’s objection is justified. IS this friend really a bad influence perhaps? Is the dancing really impacting you negatively?

  Compromise- but one cannot compromise on fundamental things about themselves and one shouldn’t do it either. There are a few cardinal things that aren’t right or wrong. They are just the way you are. Unless essential, you shouldn’t change those things. The truth is, changing these cardinal things will leave you unhappy in the long run.

  Following a simple line of questioning should help in navigating these issues. But, it is never black and white. Matters of relationships and of the heart are all subjective and a matter of your understanding. In simple words, compromising is necessary, yes. But never compromise so much that you give up your individuality. You and your preferences are just as important as the relationship.

  A healthy relationship, after all, comes out of mutual respect for self and your partner.

  August 24, 2018

  attraction, boyfriend, compromise, conflict, crush, fiance, fights, girlfriend, husband, life, live in, live-in relationships, marriage, probelms, Relationship, respect, sacrifices, self respect, trust, wife

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• How to be independent and love yourself?

  A few months back, as I heard my aunt read the Sleeping Beauty to my young cousin, a realization dawned on me. While my cousin was fascinated by the ending, I was just short of being mortified. I soon realised that this knight in shining armour kept showing up, (in different avatars and forms, sure) to help the distressed protagonist. The subtext seemed to be that life cannot improve without this knight. This brings the question of how to be independent and love yourself?

  Most of us also, go around in life looking for this knight in shining armour. We wait for this person– be it a lover, a friend, a manager, whoever it may be, to come and save us from our lives. We conclude that we have exhausted all possible options and it is only when this person arrives now, that everything will fix itself magically; because magic exists, and because the good will always be victorious in the end, and that karma does come into play somewhere. One can’t even blame people for this notion and way of thinking – after all, movies and fictions are built on this notion.

  People just get so comfortable in their own inertia that they require someone else to come to jolt them back to life. They fear the risk and vulnerability. They wish to put no efforts and yet emerge victoriously. They wish to believe that they can conquer the world, without any hard work (because apparently, that’s how a genius lives). They wait for a sign, to tell them that it will be alright and that it will all figure itself out. These beliefs are all not unjustified. We all need something to believe in, and the power of belief is immense. But, this belief needs its other companions for it to succeed.

  The universe will just not help you if you can’t help yourself. If you were doing everything you could do, you would be where you want to be. There is always a way out, a possible solution; you just haven’t found it yet. There is no one, literally no one who can help you except for you, yourself. You are your own Super(wo)man;  you are your own knight in shining armour. The initiative, diligent and hard work, a positive outlook and a sensible mind are all important elements in turning a belief into reality.

  But, why am I the only one who needs to do so much, you ask? Everyone struggles and everyone fights. Not all battles are visible to the others and the greatest battles are often fought inside.

  The world, as much as it seems like, is not the Hunger Games Stadium. There is not just one victor. Everyone has their own battles and everyone has their own Everest to conquer. All we can do is diligently fight our own battles and help others when we can.

  So, march ahead Brave warrior. The world awaits you.

  July 19, 2018

  battles, fighting, fights, knight, life, sleeping beauty, strength, strong, struggles, warrior, women, working hard

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• Be your own knight in shining armour

  A few months back, as I heard my aunt read the Sleeping Beauty to my young cousin, a realization dawned on me. While my cousin was fascinated by the ending, I was just short of being mortified. I soon realised that this knight in shining armour kept showing up, (in different avatars and forms, sure) to help the distressed protagonist. The subtext seemed to be that life cannot improve without this knight.

  Most of us also, go around in life looking for this knight in shining armour. We wait for this person– be it a lover, a friend, a manager, whoever it may be, to come and save us from our lives. We conclude that we have exhausted all possible options and it is only when this person arrives now, that everything will fix itself magically; because magic exists, and because the good will always be victorious in the end, and that karma does come into play somewhere. One can’t even blame people for this notion and way of thinking – after all, movies and fictions are built on this notion.

  People just get so comfortable in their own inertia that they require someone else to come to jolt them back to life. They fear the risk and the vulnerability. They wish to put no efforts and yet emerge victoriously. They wish to believe that they can conquer the world, without any hard work (because apparently, that’s how a genius lives). They wait for a sign, to tell them that it will be alright and that it will all figure itself out. These beliefs are all not unjustified. We all need something to believe in, and the power of belief is immense. But, this belief needs its other companions for it to succeed.

  The universe will just not help you if you can’t help yourself. If you were doing everything you could do, you would be where you want to be. There is always a way out, a possible solution; you just haven’t found it yet. There is no one, literally no one who can help you except for you, yourself. You are your own Super(wo)man;  you are your own knight in shining armour. The initiative, diligent and hard work, a positive outlook and a sensible mind are all important elements in turning a belief into reality.

  But, why am I the only one who needs to do so much, you ask? Everyone struggles and everyone fights. Not all battles are visible to the others and the greatest battles are often fought inside.

  The world, as much as it seems like, is not the Hunger Games Stadium. There is not just one victor. Everyone has their own battles and everyone has their own Everest to conquer. All we can do is diligently fight our own battles and help the others when we can.

  So, march ahead Brave warrior. The world awaits you.

   

  July 19, 2018

  battles, fighting, fights, knight, life, sleeping beauty, strength, strong, struggles, warrior, women, working hard

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• “About us” and “About others” in a relationship

  In this ultra-social era, we are constantly talking about others and ourselves without thinking twice about its consequences. This oversharing of information and preoccupation with others leads to conflicts, bitterness and often a disintegration of relationships. Amidst a huge amount of facts and details on relationships, there is a crucial point that is always missed, and astonishingly no one actually talks about it.

  So today we are going to explore a simple concept of how talking ‘about others’ and talking ‘about us’ can lead to problems in a relationship.

  “I think for any relationship to be successful, there needs to be loving communication, appreciation, and understanding.” -Miranda Kerr

   TALKING ‘ABOUT OTHERS’

  The surface of most relationships starts cracking when the talk between the two partners starts to centre on ‘others’, rather than themselves.

  We’re social beings, living in an ultra-social era as stated before. Hence it is very natural that, while conversing, two people would brush upon the lives of other people. That other person might be/ might not be in good books of the couple. Perhaps, he/she might be in good books of one partner, and not so liked by the other partner. Eventually, yet unintentionally the couple ends up making the ‘other’ person the sole topic of their conversation for a long time. Their often contrasting views on her/him then become the cause of discord and disagreements between them.

  Try to think of the recent conversation you had with your loved one, and think about how much time you let slip by, talking about another person.

  As talks between the two partners shift from being focused on them to ‘others’ who are often insignificant in their lives, their bonds start to wear off. Worse, the slight disagreements on the ‘other’ people lead to heated arguments. Thus, begins the process of disintegration of a healthy relationship.

  TALKING ‘ABOUT EACH OTHER’

  A successful relationship is not the one where there are zero fights or 100 agreements. It is the one wherein there are fights, disagreements, arguments, and every single thing that may seem like a head-long war to the inexperienced eye. But here lies the catch, these frequent (or not so frequent) banters occur NOT with the motive to put one’s partner down, or to prove him/her wrong. They occur so as to reach a healthy conclusion. As said earlier, it isn’t a pre-requisite that two partners in love need to have everything in common, even the disagreements and differences of opinions are a sign of love!

  Such arguments should not provoke you to go outside and chat with your colleagues/friends about bickering with your spouse/partner. AVOID GOSSIPING about your partner. It is a very common habit to discuss our relationships with our friends or whosoever we hold close to our hearts. Seldom have we realized these seemingly trivial chats with our mates, is another way where cracks start developing in a smooth-going relationship.

  It is high time that we stop talking about our respective partners in a negative manner. You can talk about your partner or discuss about your relationship, but it should be done in a manner that is respectful to your partner and your relationship.

  

  Here comes the redeeming ray of hope: WHAT TO DO?

  As for the first issue, the solution is just a simple technique.

  Stop talking about others and start talking about yourselves (In your relationship)

  Be it a marital relationship or any other kind of relationship, it is immensely crucial that the two people find time to actually talk to one another about themselves. Regardless of how long two people have been together, they could never say that they fully know each other. Knowing a person takes a lifetime, and at times even that may not suffice.

  “Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.” -Wayne Dyer

  These are some simple things you can start doing:

  • Start talking about each other- your dreams, thoughts and so on.
  • Take a decision to be completely honest and open with each other
  • Discover newer likes and dislikes of your partner’s as well as your own
  • Find parallels between their aspirations and your priorities
  • Dig out each other’s deepest fears, insecurities, and secrets
  • Seek apologies for your shortcomings and forgiving them for theirs
  • Most importantly, look into their eyes and drown for some time in the depths of love they bear for you (Enjoy the silence).

  As for the second one, the strategy is again a simple one, but tough to adhere to.

   Stop talking about each other and start talking to each other

  Yes, it sounds pretty similar to the one mentioned above, and in many ways it really is, yet it is much more complex to apply. Talking about your respective partner to an outsider won’t help you or your existing relationship. It might provide you with temporary respite, but the real problem would still exist. Moreover, the third person would be able to view the situation just from your perspective and thus may provide you with a biased opinion. Applying that incomplete and often inappropriate formula to your relationship would only enhance the damage.

  “People must be taken as they are, and we should never try making them or ourselves better by quarrelling with them.” – Edmund Burke 

  Some simple things you can start doing:

  • Do not taunt your partner in a demeaning manner, about their ways, habits, views etc.
  • Try to understand and accept their ways and habits. If you start looking at them in a critical manner, you would find hundreds of things that you can change about them, so change your perspective.
  • Spend time with each other. If there are things you really want to be changed, it can be done with mutual discussions.
  • Instead of talking to the outside world about your relationship problems, try talking to your partner itself. Talking with them would definitely sort most (if not all) matters.
  • Try to reflect on what you feel and think about your partner, if you feel deep down that you can work out your problems, despite your differences, then try to do that.
  • Most importantly, assess your views on them. It is very much possible that you may hold some untrue notions or ideas about your partner, which can easily be rectified upon being checked.

  So, try to use these techniques in your own relationship to ensure that it doesn’t get rattled by such issues.

  July 13, 2018

  fights, healthy relationship, how to solve, latest, life, long distance, new, problems, Relationship, solving fights, trending

  ---

• A surprising problem in relationships

  In this ultra-social era, we are constantly talking about others and ourselves without thinking twice about its consequences. This oversharing of information and preoccupation with others leads to conflicts, bitterness and often a disintegration of relationships. Amidst a huge amount of facts and details on relationships, there is a surprising problem in relationships and astonishingly no one actually talks about it.

  So today we are going to explore a surprising problem in relationships, i.e. how talking ‘about others’ and talking ‘about us’ can lead to problems in a relationship.

  “I think for any relationship to be successful, there needs to be loving communication, appreciation, and understanding.” -Miranda Kerr

  Talking about others

  The surface of most relationships starts cracking when the talk between the two partners starts to centre on ‘others’, rather than themselves.

  We’re social beings, living in an ultra-social era as stated before. Hence it is very natural that, while conversing, two people would brush upon the lives of other people. That other person might be/ might not be in good books of the couple. Perhaps, he/she might be in good books of one partner, and not so liked by the other partner. Eventually, yet unintentionally the couple ends up making the ‘other’ person the sole topic of their conversation for a long time. Their often contrasting views on her/him then become the cause of discord and disagreements between them.

  Try to think of the recent conversation you had with your loved one, and think about how much time you let slip by, talking about another person.

  As talks between the two partners shift from being focused on them to ‘others’ who are often insignificant in their lives, their bonds start to wear off. Worse, the slight disagreements on the ‘other’ people lead to heated arguments. Thus, begins the process of disintegration of a healthy relationship.

  Talking about each other

  A successful relationship is not the one where there are zero fights or 100 agreements. It is the one wherein there are fights, disagreements, arguments, and every single thing that may seem like a head-long war to the inexperienced eye. But here lies the catch, these frequent (or not so frequent) banters occur NOT with the motive to put one’s partner down, or to prove him/her wrong. They occur so as to reach a healthy conclusion. As said earlier, it isn’t a pre-requisite that two partners in love need to have everything in common, even the disagreements and differences of opinions are a sign of love!

  Such arguments should not provoke you to go outside and chat with your colleagues/friends about bickering with your spouse/partner. AVOID GOSSIPING about your partner. It is a very common habit to discuss our relationships with our friends or whosoever we hold close to our hearts. Seldom have we realized these seemingly trivial chats with our mates, is another way where cracks start developing in a smooth-going relationship.

  It is high time that we stop talking about our respective partners in a negative manner. You can talk about your partner or discuss your relationship, but it should be done in a manner that is respectful to your partner and your relationship.

  

  Here comes the redeeming ray of hope: WHAT TO DO?

  As for the first issue, the solution is just a simple technique.

  Stop talking about others and start talking about yourselves (In your relationship)

  Be it a marital relationship or any other kind of relationship, it is immensely crucial that the two people find time to actually talk to one another about themselves. Regardless of how long two people have been together, they could never say that they fully know each other. Knowing a person takes a lifetime, and at times even that may not suffice.

  “Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.” -Wayne Dyer

  These are some simple things you can start doing:

  • Start talking about each other- your dreams, thoughts and so on.
  • Take a decision to be completely honest and open with each other
  • Discover newer likes and dislikes of your partner’s as well as your own
  • Find parallels between their aspirations and your priorities
  • Dig out each other’s deepest fears, insecurities, and secrets
  • Seek apologies for your shortcomings and forgiving them for theirs
  • Most importantly, look into their eyes and drown for some time in the depths of love they bear for you (Enjoy the silence).

  As for the second one, the strategy is again a simple one, but tough to adhere to.

  Stop talking about each other and start talking to each other

  Yes, it sounds pretty similar to the one mentioned above, and in many ways it really is, yet it is much more complex to apply. Talking about your respective partner to an outsider won’t help you or your existing relationship. It might provide you with temporary respite, but the real problem would still exist. Moreover, the third person would be able to view the situation just from your perspective and thus may provide you with a biased opinion. Applying that incomplete and often inappropriate formula to your relationship would only enhance the damage.

  “People must be taken as they are, and we should never try making them or ourselves better by quarrelling with them.” – Edmund Burke 

  Some simple things you can start doing:

  • Do not taunt your partner in a demeaning manner, about their ways, habits, views etc.
  • Try to understand and accept their ways and habits. If you start looking at them in a critical manner, you would find hundreds of things that you can change about them, so change your perspective.
  • Spend time with each other. If there are things you really want to be changed, it can be done with mutual discussions.
  • Instead of talking to the outside world about your relationship problems, try talking to your partner itself. Talking with them would definitely sort most (if not all) matters.
  • Try to reflect on what you feel and think about your partner, if you feel deep down that you can work out your problems, despite your differences, then try to do that.
  • Most importantly, assess your views on them. It is very much possible that you may hold some untrue notions or ideas about your partner, which can easily be rectified upon being checked.

  So, try to use these techniques in your own relationship to ensure that it doesn’t get rattled by such issues.

  July 13, 2018

  fights, healthy relationship, how to solve, latest, life, long distance, new, problems, Relationship, solving fights, trending

  ---