Tag: friend

• Inspiration decoded

  

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

   

   

   

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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• How do I inspire myself?

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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• Delving into the paradigm of a toxic friendship

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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• How do I recognize toxic friends?

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  Are you wondering ‘how do I recognize toxic friends?’ If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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