Tag: friendship

• Delving into the paradigm of a toxic friendship

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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• How do I recognize toxic friends?

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  Are you wondering ‘how do I recognize toxic friends?’ If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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• How to know if it’s love or just addiction?

  In the words of one of the greatest motivational speakers Sandeep Maheshwari, “Love is not a temporary feeling or emotion. Emotions and feelings change; sometimes daily, but true unconditional love is ever-lasting!”

  Consider a scenario. You’ve been living with a person for quite a few years in a row. You have spent with each other the best as well as the worst of times, through myriad sunrises and sunsets. Time spent apart from one another seems tormenting and hard to pass by. You definitely cannot picture a life without him/her. So, let me ask a nonchalant question; ‘Is it love?’

  Have faith in me, it is not such perplexing a deal to figure out whether it’s true love or mere addiction. You’ve landed yourself in the right place if this is the answer you are seeking!

  Take a hypothetical situation ladies and gentlemen. You had a major fight with someone at your home, or maybe with your best friend. Your heart is flooded with innumerable emotions, that of anger, hurt, resentment and much more. You are offered a pint of pungent beer, garnished with cubes of ice. A sip down your throat relieves the burning sensations in your heart. Eventually, the entirety and gravity of the situation begin to dissolve into thin air. Your heart, mind and body all feel the ecstatic soothing sensation of alcohol running in your veins.
  Pleasurable, wasn’t it? No doubt it was. And the enchantress alcohol lures you towards itself slowly. When the next quarrel occurs, your muddled head and racing heart light up by the thought of the calming sting of alcohol. Now that alcohol, which was initially consumed by you for temporary stress removal has become a daily and much-needed dose of pleasure. A week or perhaps a day without it seems miserable and wasted. In other words, you have become addicted to it.
  The same phenomenon applies to individuals as well. We get addicted to not only alcohol, nicotine and caffeine but also to human beings.

  Here’s how-
  You are in midst of a grave crisis; be it emotional, physical or social in nature. Just then, someone enters the threshold of your life, takes your hand, gives you a warm smile and lifts you up. You confide in him/her. He/she, like a saviour, helps you come out of it all. With time, your bond with that person gets strengthened.
  In this way you become thoroughly intoxicated with that person; just the way an alcoholic becomes intoxicated with alcohol.

  Now imagine if your worst fears come true and the alcohol that you highly prize suddenly vanishes from your life. And as you expected, your resistance to tough situations diminishes, you start feeling miserable, and to an extent, even helpless and lonely.
  But hold on dear friend; now someone comes to your rescue, offering you a handful of cigarettes. You smoke one. Two. Three. And so on. It feels equally re-vitalizing and soothing, isn’t it? Slowly, the addiction to alcohol starts getting transferred to cigarettes. Over time, subtly, you get as addicted to cigarettes as you were to alcohol once. Now life without cigarettes seems a big deal to handle.
  An alcoholic would say he loves alcohol. A smoker would claim he loves cigarettes. Come on, do they? We all know the answer.
  Dig deeper a bit, and you will begin to realise that we get addicted to human beings in a similar manner, and mistake it as love. We derive certain kind of pleasures (be it emotional, mental, physical and the like) from someone, or maybe just by their mere presence. We look for someone who could fulfil our needs and/or desires, someone who completes us as a person, fills in the missing gaps in the jigsaw puzzle of our lives.
  And not everyone is able to fulfil these pre-requisites. So, as soon as we find someone who does pass these criteria,  we label it as ‘love’. For some duration of time, that person becomes the perfect epitome of a human being that we seek. With those gaps in us and our lives filled in by that person, we achieve a sense of fulfilment and feel sated.
  But, we are all constantly shaped by the environments that we live in and thus constantly evolving and changing. As life proceeds, our personalities and lives begin to develop newer gaps, with new desires and demands, which might not be necessary for that person’s capacity to fulfil. And with the pleasure waves having stopped emanating from that person, we begin to feel that there is no more love between you two and that he/she is not the ‘one’. Now, someone else would be in an apt position to bridge in our gaps and give us the pleasures that we seek, we would be driven to believe that we have fallen in love with this new person.

  Well, let me tell you, all these are mere facades of love.
  Real and the most pristine form of love can germinate where both the persons are complete in themselves. They do not look onto the other person to fulfil them or fill in the missing gaps in their entity. Instead of seeking pleasures and happiness in the other person, they find/create reservoirs of bliss within their own selves. Before looking for another person to love them, they embrace and love their own selves first.
  And when this exquisite state is attained by a person, only then is he/she in a position to love another human being. Because now, that they are fully self-reliant and happy by themselves, they can look into the needs and happiness of other people.
  And yes, most importantly; love is NOT a smooth sailing ship.
  • Love is not just when you can share your happiness with them. It is also when you can share tears and misfortunes together.
  • Love is when you can go on days without each other doing your respective works, but can’t wait to be with each other again.
  • Love is not a story of always agreeing with one another and having similar viewpoints. It is when you can have opinions poles apart, yet lean to come to a mutual agreement.
  • Love is not really what we see in fancy movies and romantic songs. The perfect love story is not the one that we see on ‘Relationship Goals’ posts on social media.

  Thus, it is important to differentiate between addiction to another person and being in love with another person. It is easy to get confused, which leads to a lot of heartbreaks and issues, but if you understand this concept once, then you can at least recognize your own emotions effectively. This recognition will help you deal with such situations in a better manner.

  August 8, 2018

  addiction, am i in love?, attraction, best friend love, boyfriend, breakup, does he love me, does she love me, friendship, girlfriend, is this love, like, love, lover, marriage, Relationship, romantic, what is love?

  ---

• How do I know if it is love?

  In the words of one of the greatest motivational speakers Sandeep Maheshwari, “Love is not a temporary feeling or emotion. Emotions and feelings change; sometimes daily, but true unconditional love is ever-lasting!”

  Consider a scenario. You’ve been living with a person for quite a few years in a row. You have spent with each other the best as well as the worst of times, through myriad sunrises and sunsets. Time spent apart from one another seems tormenting and hard to pass by. You definitely cannot picture a life without him/her. So, let me ask a nonchalant question; ‘Is it love?

  Have faith in me, it is not such perplexing a deal to figure out whether it’s true love or mere addiction. You’ve landed yourself in the right place if this is the answer you are seeking!

  Take a hypothetical situation ladies and gentlemen. You had a major fight with someone at your home, or maybe with your best friend. Your heart is flooded with innumerable emotions, that of anger, hurt, resentment and much more. You are offered a pint of pungent beer, garnished with cubes of ice. A sip down your throat relieves the burning sensations in your heart. Eventually, the entirety and gravity of the situation begin to dissolve into thin air. Your heart, mind and body all feel the ecstatic soothing sensation of alcohol running in your veins.
  Pleasurable, wasn’t it? No doubt it was. And the enchantress alcohol lures you towards itself slowly. When the next quarrel occurs, your muddled head and racing heart light up by the thought of the calming sting of alcohol. Now that alcohol, which was initially consumed by you for temporary stress removal has become a daily and much-needed dose of pleasure. A week or perhaps a day without it seems miserable and wasted. In other words, you have become addicted to it.
  The same phenomenon applies to individuals as well. We get addicted to not only alcohol, nicotine and caffeine but also to human beings.

  Here’s how-
  You are in midst of a grave crisis; be it emotional, physical or social in nature. Just then, someone enters the threshold of your life, takes your hand, gives you a warm smile and lifts you up. You confide in him/her. He/she, like a saviour, helps you come out of it all. With time, your bond with that person gets strengthened.
  In this way you become thoroughly intoxicated with that person; just the way an alcoholic becomes intoxicated with alcohol.

  Now imagine if your worst fears come true and the alcohol that you highly prize suddenly vanishes from your life. And as you expected, your resistance to tough situations diminishes, you start feeling miserable, and to an extent, even helpless and lonely.
  But hold on dear friend; now someone comes to your rescue, offering you a handful of cigarettes. You smoke one. Two. Three. And so on. It feels equally re-vitalizing and soothing, isn’t it? Slowly, the addiction to alcohol starts getting transferred to cigarettes. Over time, subtly, you get as addicted to cigarettes as you were to alcohol once. Now life without cigarettes seems a big deal to handle.
  An alcoholic would say he loves alcohol. A smoker would claim he loves cigarettes. Come on, do they? We all know the answer.
  Dig deeper a bit, and you will begin to realise that we get addicted to human beings in a similar manner, and mistake it as love. We derive certain kind of pleasures (be it emotional, mental, physical and the like) from someone, or maybe just by their mere presence. We look for someone who could fulfil our needs and/or desires, someone who completes us as a person, fills in the missing gaps in the jigsaw puzzle of our lives.
  And not everyone is able to fulfil these pre-requisites. So, as soon as we find someone who does pass these criteria,  we label it as ‘love’. For some duration of time, that person becomes the perfect epitome of a human being that we seek. With those gaps in us and our lives filled in by that person, we achieve a sense of fulfilment and feel sated.
  But, we are all constantly shaped by the environments that we live in and thus constantly evolving and changing. As life proceeds, our personalities and lives begin to develop newer gaps, with new desires and demands, which might not be necessary for that person’s capacity to fulfil. And with the pleasure waves having stopped emanating from that person, we begin to feel that there is no more love between you two and that he/she is not the ‘one’. Now, someone else would be in an apt position to bridge in our gaps and give us the pleasures that we seek, we would be driven to believe that we have fallen in love with this new person.

  Well, let me tell you, all these are mere facades of love.
  Real and the most pristine form of love can germinate where both the persons are complete in themselves. They do not look onto the other person to fulfil them or fill in the missing gaps in their entity. Instead of seeking pleasures and happiness in the other person, they find/create reservoirs of bliss within their own selves. Before looking for another person to love them, they embrace and love their own selves first.
  And when this exquisite state is attained by a person, only then is he/she in a position to love another human being. Because now, that they are fully self-reliant and happy by themselves, they can look into the needs and happiness of other people.
  And yes, most importantly; love is NOT a smooth sailing ship.
  • Love is not just when you can share your happiness with them. It is also when you can share tears and misfortunes together.
  • Love is when you can go on days without each other doing your respective works, but can’t wait to be with each other again.
  • Love is not a story of always agreeing with one another and having similar viewpoints. It is when you can have opinions poles apart, yet lean to come to a mutual agreement.
  • Love is not really what we see in fancy movies and romantic songs. The perfect love story is not the one that we see on ‘Relationship Goals’ posts on social media.

  Thus, it is important to differentiate between addiction to another person and being in love with another person. It is easy to get confused, which leads to a lot of heartbreaks and issues, but if you understand this concept once, then you can at least recognize your own emotions effectively. This recognition will help you deal with such situations in a better manner.

  August 8, 2018

  addiction, am i in love?, attraction, best friend love, boyfriend, breakup, does he love me, does she love me, friendship, girlfriend, is this love, like, love, lover, marriage, Relationship, romantic, what is love?

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