Tag: life

• How to maintain a long-distance relationship

  “Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.” – Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

  Sustenance of a relationship demands more than the mere presence of love. I am sure those of you in a deep-seated relationship know what I mean by this. Patience, acceptance, faith, control over expectations, trust are just to name a few. True love, when mingled by all these compliments, helps sustain a relationship the ravages of time.

  What about relationships where the partners are physically separated from each other by several miles lying between them? Well, that magnifies the efforts manifold, that too from both the sides. The rope of such relationships has to be held firmly and tactfully at both the ends, lest it is dropped unintentionally.

  Maintaining a relationship separated by distances a tedious and say, tough task, but not an impossibility. And in case you are on a hunt on ‘how to maintain a long-distance relationship’, kudos, you have landed in the right place!

  A note on the psyche

  I know you are missing your partner, longing to be with them, yearning to jump the distances and alighting in his/her arms! Love does absurd things to us, and this is only one of them.

  It is known that you are terribly missing him/her. And another known truth is that your partner is missing you equally bad. Both of you are stuck in the same situation, i.e. yearning to be with each other. This would give birth to frustration. You’ll miss them, but couldn’t be with them would make you hapless and frustrated.

  If this is your condition, your beloved partner too must be in a similar condition. Missing one another and being unable to be with each other would frustrate you both, naturally. And eventually, though unintentionally, that frustration caused by being unable to be with one another, would end up being vented on each other. Latent seeds of discord sow themselves with the roots of your relationship. These, with the passage of time, germinate into shoots of fights and at times unfortunate break-ups between previously well-going partners.

  WHAT TO DO?

  A plethora of articles and people talk about ‘what NOT to do’ in long-distance relationships. That followed ceremoniously, the looming question staggers behind- ‘What to actually do?’

  So, before ranting about the ‘Not’s’, I will talk about the necessary ‘To Dos’.

  • A very obvious and baseline suggestion- stay in regular touch with your partner. The modern era that we live in provides no dearth of means to connect with those who live miles away from us. No matter how busy you both might get, drop a bunch of texts asking, “How was your day?”

  This seemingly invalid question carries hidden sparkles of magic within it that would instantaneously light up your partner, even if he/she had a rough day. These simple and small gestures of love are what constitute the oceans of love.

  • ‘A phone call a day keeps quarrels at bay!’

  Hope it’s not much of a gigantic task, to make at least one phone call to your partner once a day. Perhaps, they didn’t call you yet, and grudgingly you are waiting for them to call you. Oh dear, don’t make it much of a deal. Pick up the phone and dial their number, which perhaps rests on your fingertips itself. Imagine the happiness you’d bestow upon them (and yourself too, of course) by delighting them with your number popping up on their phone screen after a much longer and hassled day!

  • Uphold your trust in your partner. Have enough trust in them, so that you do not lead yourself to believe untrue possibilities of your partner has fallen in love with someone else. Trust them to trust you. Trust them with the fact that, no matter how far life leads them, they will always gravitate back to you.

  Remember, ‘Trust is the bedrock of all relationships’. Deeper the trust, stronger the relationship!

  • Putting forth a slightly disheartening contrast of point 1 and 2. Due to some unforeseeable and at times, uncontrollable circumstances, a daily conversation (be it text, or calls) might not be possible. And when that occurs, do neither feel dejected nor let your mind concoct any fallacies.

  Let not your patience wear out, nor your trust dwindle. You might have to go days without hearing a word from your partner. That doesn’t mean ‘Things have changed between us’, ‘Our love is diminishing day-by-day’ or ‘He/she doesn’t love me same’.

  • Above all, ‘Have faith in your partner, your love and the forces of Universe’.

  It is truly said that “Faith can move mountains”. Greater the faith, stronger the chances of your love braving the distances between you both. A healthy relationship is one wherein, you can spend time apart, but can’t wait to be back with each other!

  WHAT NOT TO DO?

  Coming back to the much-fretted question- ‘What NOT to do when in a long-distance relationship?’

  Sometimes, seemingly small and trivial things or words render great damage. And this situation is more prone to arise amidst lovers separated by long distances. a love relationship is a highly malleable bond. Given that, long-distance relationships obviously are far more delicate. A small conflict, or maybe even a misunderstanding could take monstrous forms and may at times end up in breaking up.

  Here are a few things to avoid, to prevent such wrecking of your ‘relationships’!

  • First and foremost, do Not let the frustration (caused by missing one another) land upon the blameless head of your partner. Know that they are missing you as much you are missing them. Venting out your unguarded frustration on each other would only aggravate the tension between you both.
  • Somewhat similar to the previous point, here’s a note on managing your anger. Consider a situation. Your partner does something silly. Say, forgot to call and congratulate you on the 3^rd anniversary of your first coffee date. You are, for sure, hell mad at them for this carelessness on their part, and in no mood to listen to any sensible excuses.

  Now, put a check dam around the spontaneous flow of your anger.  Some amount of anger is absolutely justifiable (and yes, to an extent necessary too). But anger exceeding limits of rationality would bring irreparable casualties in your already perilous relationship.

  • Be vigilant and do not let misunderstandings sneak in.

  Misunderstandings often become the cause for fragmentation of otherwise smooth sailing relationships. Despite the unforgivable careless habits of your partner and despite the several days spent without talking; do not give way to misunderstandings to slip in from any of the doors. Let not stupid assumptions or fearful suspicions overpower the faith in your love and your partner.

  • I am a firm believer of the fact that, ‘Everything happens for the good.’ The same theory can be applied in long-distance relationships as well.

  Be a steadfast optimist, and go on to believe that, the distance put up between you and your partner is a bend in your sojourn, after which the path will be much beautiful. Or take it the way- The distance between you both is just another parameter by the universal forces to measure the strength of your love!

  Love is such intense and divine an emotion that neither geographical distances nor years spent apart could diminish it. True love walks through the fire of distances and emerges as a radiant diamond.

  Summing it all in six simple words- “Distance makes the hearts grow fonder!”

  October 7, 2018

  boyfriend, cheating, couple, difficult, distance relationships, distant relations, faith, family, far distance relationship, fiance, girlfriend, happy, hope, husband, life, long distance, optimism, problems, Relationship, separated, trust, wife

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• How do I inspire myself?

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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• Inspiration decoded

  

  As a kid, I watched this cartoon called Pokemon. In this show, there was a mystic bird called Ho-oh, who was very rare and the sight of whom, promised hope and greatness in life. Now, it is later revealed that she makes herself visible only to those who are truly capable and those with a true and pure heart. (Needless to say, the protagonist Ash and his Pikachu see this bird in the very first episode of the First Arc. Isn’t he lucky?).  This bird seems like the best analogy for Inspiration now, to my adult mind. (The child in me still hopes that Pokemon are real and that I get a Charmander; but that’s secondary, I suppose).

  These days, inspiration is this mystic Pokemon who everyone wants to catch. The problem is, we want the bird to fly down to us, and trap itself in the cage we hold in our hand. Inspiration, we all believe, is something we ‘ought’ to get, as if it is something that belongs to us and we have a right over. The other school of thought that is a continuation of this belief is that it is a matter of luck and comes to people, just randomly.

  But didn’t Elizebeth Gilbert, in her famous TED talk, talk about how some of the greatest people in history describe Inspiration as something they caught out of thin air? Didn’t she recommend that all people should believe that too? Yes, yes, dear sir, I concede to your idyllic memory. But the truth is, she meant it as a way to beat the stress of expectation and fame, rather than as a justification for throwing in the towel.

  I do admit that inspiration seems to come out of nowhere. But really, it’s a culmination of everything we have done and everywhere we have been.  Even when we are not consciously thinking of something, our mind keeps making connections in the background. A Coursera Course of ‘Learning How to Learn’ gives us a little more insight into it. According to them, when we are stressed, our brains and systems do not work as efficiently. But after a stressful period, when we take a break and calm down, then our brain starts making connections and intrinsically understanding the problems and analyzing it on the unconscious level, that is, in the background.

  At this functioning level, it understands the concept in its unique way, based on all your experiences and knowledge. It is when this process goes on, that often, uncanny connections are made and the mind comes up with gems.

  So, is the solution to just wait till this ‘inspiration’ comes in? Well, that’s often what most of us seem to do. This specifically plagues the writers between us. I can talk from personal experience though, that this approach is not the best approach as it often leads to missing deadlines and delays in submissions (ask those who have had to deal with my delays). The better approach seems to be to create a ‘bad’ first draft on the basis of what you understand and can think at that moment. After that, you can work on improving and revising it. Putting things down in a more concrete way, after all often helps us process in a more positive way.

  ‘Inspiration’ thus, is a slow process that requires deliberate and consistent hard work, not for days, but years, for it comes from everything you put into your mind through the years. So, as you go ahead to ‘catch em all’, do remember that the mystical bird only comes to those who have earned their place there, and even then, puts up a great fight before being captured.

  Some additional resources on inspiration:

  Read: Awaken the giant within by Anthony Rob

  Watch: Ted- How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek

   

   

   

  September 5, 2018

  anthony rob, dreams, failure, family, friend, happy, how to be inspired, inspiration, inspiring, intrinsic motivation, life, motivating, motivation, new, pokemon, productivity, Quotes, simon sinek, success, ted talks, what is inspiration, women, work, working hard

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• Best quotes on achieving your goals

  1- “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” -Joseph Campbell

  

   

  2- “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Wishing is not enough; we must do.” –Johann Wolfegang.

  

   

  3- “Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.” -Woody Allen

  

   

  4- “I think goals should never be easy, they should force you to work, even if they are uncomfortable at the time.” -Michael Phelps

  

   

  5- “What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110% all the time.” -Don Zimmer

  

   

  6- “It takes 20 years to make an overnight success.” -Eddie Cantor

  

  August 31, 2018

  achievement, achieving dreams, best quotes, fb quotes, goals, life, life quotes, quote, Quotes, quotes on success, success, success quotes, successful people, top quotes, whatsapp quotes, work

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• Quotes on achieving your goals

  1- “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” -Joseph Campbell

  

   

  2- “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Wishing is not enough; we must do.” –Johann Wolfegang.

  

   

  3- “Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.” -Woody Allen

  

   

  4- “I think goals should never be easy, they should force you to work, even if they are uncomfortable at the time.” -Michael Phelps

  

   

  5- “What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110% all the time.” -Don Zimmer

  

   

  6- “It takes 20 years to make an overnight success.” -Eddie Cantor

  

  August 31, 2018

  achievement, achieving dreams, best quotes, fb quotes, goals, life, life quotes, quote, Quotes, quotes on success, success, success quotes, successful people, top quotes, whatsapp quotes, work

  ---

• How do I recognize toxic friends?

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  Are you wondering ‘how do I recognize toxic friends?’ If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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• Delving into the paradigm of a toxic friendship

  “It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask you how you’re doing.” – Anonymous

  “She’s my friend, after all. Her words shouldn’t hurt me, neither her random rants bother me. But, they somehow do disturb me. What’s wrong with me? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

  If you are stuck asking questions like this to yourself, then you have landed yourself in the right place dear reader!

  Not a fact to be denied that not every friend is a ‘friend indeed’. Some are mortifying snipers while some are opportunist backstabbers. There is a very feeble line between a healthy friendship and a toxic one. For that matter, it is not quite an easy task to identify the toxicity hidden within folds of a relationship. Granted it isn’t tough, but for sure ain’t impossible. Here’s a small list of pointers that might aid you to identify whether or not your friendship is toxic.

  1- One-sided efforts

  It’s not just love relationships that face the issues if one-sided commitment. Any relationship requires an equal amount of commitment, dedication and efforts from both the parties involved. Yes, even friendships do. You might feel the dread that you are the only one rowing the boat of your friendship and that your friend is leisurely watching you toil.

  Perhaps, you are always there for them, to support them, to applaud at their achievements and to hold their hand as they walk through turbulent storms. Sadly, it is equally possible that you may find yourself standing lonesome during your tough times. Even at seemingly trivial matters, this can be visible. Your friend showing up late more than often, throwing a carefree attitude to your complaints or disregarding your efforts to keep things smoothly going – are all clearly visible signs of one-sided efforts.

  2- You are not yourself when you are with them

  To put it simply; with them you feel pressurised to conceal who you truly are. When with them, you keep on changing several masks and hide your real self, all this is done either to impress them or to avoid being judged by them.

  A constant apprehension persists, of what they will say or feel if you expose your most candid self before them. A friendship wherein you are forced (though not on the surface) to act someone you really aren’t, is the one slowly turning toxic for you. A healthy friendship is the one in which both of you feel free to be who you are without any hindrances or fear of being judged.

  3- There is no scope of constructive criticism 

  Okay, it is highly true that a true friend not only appreciates your goodness and virtues but also points out your misdoings and shortcomings for your own good. But these criticisms need to be genuine in nature and not cold mockery. In short, you shouldn’t feel pained when they criticise you.

  What if their criticisms aren’t so warm and are uttered with seeming motives to put you down? Some people put pointers on your shortcomings with sole intentions of inflicting pain on you. Beware of such people and their ‘friendship’. They aren’t friends really, but vicious people who savour a voluptuous laughter at the expense of your misdoings.

  4- They want you all to themselves

  Call it obsessiveness, or call it love, these friends do not wish to share your friendship with anybody else. They feel jealous of your other friends and want all of your time, attention and care to themselves. Agreed that a pinch of jealousy is good and actually healthy in a friendship, but an excess of it starts to spill toxicity in friendships.

  So, watch out for friends who are reluctant to share the treat of your friendship with other people. Their obsessiveness with you is charming to an extent, but beyond that, it makes your friendship with them a toxic one.

  5- You feel that they take you for granted; perhaps they really do.

  There may be times when you feel that the other person takes your presence in their life for granted. This apprehension may thankfully not be true every time, but unfortunately, sometimes it is. Probably you are their 2a.m friend and always available at their perusal.

  It might also be a bitter truth that they are seldom present when you need them. Some or the other excuse lies ever-ready to explain their absence when you need them the most. The excuses sometimes would no doubt be genuine; but not always. If it repeats few times, then it can be neglected, but if they do it more than often, I am sorry to say that you are just a ‘for-granted’ individual in their life.

  6- Your friend tries to control every little thing- even in your life!

  It may not be very easy to identify the controlling behaviour of a friend. Even when identified, it is a tougher task to label or not label it to be toxic. Some amount of controlling-ness can be attributed to their nature. But, not always can such behaviours be side-lined and ignored.

  If it is always your friend who decides where you both go for outings, what you order to eat, or overruling perceptions about somebody; and your viewpoint is often subjugated, know that you are trapped in a toxic friendship.

  7- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for them?

  Maybe you are too virtuous and soft-hearted to be unable to discern their subtle gestures of putting you down, humiliating you, ignoring your calls, among many other forgiven and forgotten things. They may find their easy escape from clutches of your fury, owing to your generosity and courteous nature.

  It is fairly possible that you are the very person giving excuses for their misdemeanours and of contemptuous words and deeds. You shield them from your own anger and stand as their defence.  And in doing so, unintentionally, you get yourself trapped deeper and deeper in the labyrinth if their toxic friendship.

  8- Feel something is wrong? Maybe there really is.

  Well, if you perceive any or all of the “symptoms” existent in your friendship with one or more persons, then wake up and start acting!

  These subtle nuances might not be easily perceivable. You may have to analyse a seeming troublesome friendship till the root level in order to grasp where and what the fault lays. And once you are sure that a certain level of toxicity does exist in your friendship, then wait no more; and start acting upon it as soon as possible.

  Do give a try sorting out things with your friend. But, if your friend is too hard-headed to understand what you are trying to say, then please, step out of that friendship, before the poison from it starts to corrode your happiness and well-being!

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you Happy!” – Robert Tew

  August 31, 2018

  arugement, bad friends, bad friendship, best friends, bff, boy, boyfriend, boys group, bullying, childhood friend, classmate, fight with friend, friend, friend circle, friends, friendship, girl, girlfriend, girls group, group, happiness, life, mean friends, new friend, old friend, problems, Relationship, saddness, signs of bad friend, signs of toxic friendship, toxic friends, toxic friendship, wrong friends

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• Top quotes on following your dreams

  1. “I never paint dreams or nightmare. I paint my own reality.” -Frida Kahlo

  

  2. “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awaken.” -Carl Jung

  

  3. “Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended.” -A. P. J Abdul Kalam

  

  4. “The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” -Paul Valery

  

  5. “I couldn’t find the sports car of my dream, so I built it myself.” -Ferdinand Porsche

  

  6. “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.” -Colin Powell

  

  7. “A heart without dreams is like a bird without feathers.” -Suzy Kassem

  

  8. “I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” -Thomas Jefferson

  

  To read more about achieving your goals follow this link.

  August 26, 2018

  achieving dreams, carl jung, dreams, happy, life, life quotes, Quotes, success, successful, successful people, top quotes, work

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• Compromise- is it really important?

  It is a universally acknowledged truth that a human being, who is in a relationship will have to make compromises in every sphere of their life. This brings up the question of compromise- is it really important?

  Any person who is married or about to get married, or who is in a relationship for that matter, will definitely keep getting pieces of advice from well-meaning people about how they will both have to make compromises in their life to be happy. This is actually the truth of life, that you will probably have to make some compromises in all sectors of life to be successful, purely because life does not always throw ideal situations to us and we have to make the best of what we have. Even in relationships, this cardinal truth remains constant.

  Any person who has lived in hostels will attest to the fact that there may be differences in the smallest of matters. One may not like too many visitors, the other may not like that the house is always super organized, and another person may get annoyed with their partner’s habitual forgetfulness. What I am trying to say is, love is easy. It is the living together part of things that lead to complications. This is because the whole lifestyle, the way of thinking, habits and preferences are different. So, both the partners have to be flexible and find a middle ground. Perhaps, try living in with each other first.

  However, it also is important to draw a line on compromises. For instance, if you’re partner finds your passion for dancing, childish and shuts you down. Or say, they forbid you from meeting some of your friends because they are jealous/insecure. Do you still make compromises in such cases? Well, it depends. I think in such situations, you need to ask yourself if your partner’s objection is justified. IS this friend really a bad influence perhaps? Is the dancing really impacting you negatively?

  Compromise- but one cannot compromise on fundamental things about themselves and one shouldn’t do it either. There are a few cardinal things that aren’t right or wrong. They are just the way you are. Unless essential, you shouldn’t change those things. The truth is, changing these cardinal things will leave you unhappy in the long run.

  Following a simple line of questioning should help in navigating these issues. But, it is never black and white. Matters of relationships and of the heart are all subjective and a matter of your understanding. In simple words, compromising is necessary, yes. But never compromise so much that you give up your individuality. You and your preferences are just as important as the relationship.

  A healthy relationship, after all, comes out of mutual respect for self and your partner.

  August 24, 2018

  attraction, boyfriend, compromise, conflict, crush, fiance, fights, girlfriend, husband, life, live in, live-in relationships, marriage, probelms, Relationship, respect, sacrifices, self respect, trust, wife

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• How can I be happy?

  Happiness is often misunderstood as a feeling we get only after achieving something or when something positive happens in our life. In reality, its a feeling that we can experience at this very moment. Lots of people wish for happiness in life without realizing that they are already happy and sometimes they think that happiness can only be found in the external world.

  Here are a few ways to discover your inner happiness

  Focus on what’s good

  We have so many things going on in our life. It is natural to like some elements in your life and dislike some elements. However, in order to realize your own happiness, focus on what’s good in your life. Most things in your life have some positive aspect to it. You either overlook those aspects or discount those positive aspects and focus on what’s bad.

  Everything has its own flaws and imperfections. We often make the mistake of thinking that if these flaws or imperfections weren’t there then that would make us happier.

  You can feel your happiness right now if you want. Just close your eyes and focus on everything in your life that you like. Whatever you labelled as bad in your life, think about ways in which it is actually good. You’ll see an instant change in your mood.

  Express your thoughts

  It’s a suffocating feeling to have something to say to someone but holding it back for different reasons. The feeling of “I should have said something” always weighs us down. So, express what is on your mind more often. If its a situation where you can’t, then at least express those thoughts to yourself, it can provide some relief. Avoid ignoring your own thoughts and feelings.

  Deal with regrets and guilt

  It’s impossible to live a perfect life with no mistakes of any sort. Naturally, all of us have regrets and guilt about something in our lives. But what leads to unhappiness is not the regret or guilt, rather the fact that we never come to proper terms with them. Understanding about certain mistakes, or setbacks in your life is essential to happiness. If you never understand them, then you will see yourself as the reason for those mistakes. But the truth is, there is always a reason for why those mistakes happened by you in the first place. Identifying it and understanding it will help you move on. You should be able to explain to yourself in a convincing manner why the mistakes of your life happened.

  Learn to say no

  Even though It may come across as a surprise, most of us aren’t actually aware of what we like and what we dislike. Of course, there are a few people who are aware of their likes and dislikes. But those who are not, end up doing things that they don’t like. Give importance to your own happiness and learn to say no to things that you know will not make you happy. Before you can do that, you need to take time to understand what kind of an individual you are, and what are your preferences and viewpoints in life.

  Cognitive Distortions

  Cognitive distortions are, simply put, errors in thinking. Recognizing these distortions will help you understand how to deal with them and avoid them.

  The following are the 10 most common cognitive distortions (as laid out by Dr.David Burns in his book “Feeling Good”) that lead to a bad mood and unhappiness. The compilation is courtesy of https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk .

  All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.

  Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

  Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positive aspects of a situation.

  Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.

  Jumping to conclusions: You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. These include mind-reading (assuming that people are reacting negatively to you) and fortune-telling (predicting that things will turn out badly).

  Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

  Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”

  “Should”statements: You criticize yourself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’t,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have to’s.”

  Labelling: Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, or “I’m a loser.”

  Blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.

  Hope this helped you understand that happiness, is actually within you and you can access it anytime you want.

  References

  https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/10-cognitive-distortions/

  https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/cognitive-distortions-cbt.htm

  August 3, 2018

  happiness, happy, life, peace, positive

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